Why am I having relationship problems? (part 2)

In part 1 I provided a list of ideas to help ease the burden of relationship challenges.  One of the ideas (number 6) was, "Be willing to be content with having greater than ~70% of your needs/desires".  One morning I heard this concept from a pastor speaking on relationships and it stuck with me.  Allow me to summarize (in my own words) the principal behind the concept.

In many relationships there are things that our spouse/significant other does that we take for granted,  such as: going to work, cleaning, cooking, listening, nursing us back to health, laughing with us, planing dates, intimacy (on many levels), providing, taking care of the home, taking care of the kids, etc...  All of these things (and more) are essential to relationships whether they be romantic or platonic.  What happens is, we begin to take these things for granted (the 70% or more) and do not give them the proper credit that they are due.

So one begins to focus on and desire the things which they feel are missing (the 30% or less) while at the same time discounting the things that they already have.  Reminds me of the old saying, "a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush" because there are no guarantees that you will catch the two birds in the bush.  Many times people come and share with me how they left a relationship for that thing/burning desire, only to find out that when they obtained that desire it came with extra baggage that they did not want nor knew how to handle.  When looking back, they had all (and more) then they needed.  This is clearly not the case for everyone and as I said in part 1, there are times when leaving the relationship is indeed the best/safest option.

If we monitor our expectations, temper our desires and maintain an appreciation for the things we have, our outlook on life and our relationship(s) will be better.  I am not suggesting to turn a blind eye to everything, be happy and act like nothing is amiss.  What I am suggesting is that one calibrate their desires with their own brokenness so one will truly know which things are worthy of addressing and which ones are simply nice to haves but not nicer than what one already has, i.e. not worth giving up the 70% for the 30% (the percentages are different for everyone).

When addressing issues, do not live in fear for  IJohn 4:18 (NIV) tells us,  "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. that fear casts out perfect love."  Remember, love is an action and sometimes it requires us to step forward in kindness and address an issue or realize that we have something worth fighting for.

Blessings,
-d

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