Why God...?

I was visiting my mother and somehow we began to discuss the passing of her 2nd to youngest brother who was the ripe age of 17!  He was killed in a car crash by a man who had consumed too much alcohol/drugs.

They both were rushed to the emergency room to treat the same wound - damage to the aorta.  As circumstance would have it, the decision was made to operate on the other gentleman first rather than my uncle.  As a result, my uncle died and at the age of 8 I began to deal with the tug-o-war between hate and forgiveness. 

You see, this was my favorite uncle and because I grew up in a small town I was forced to process the feelings my family had (and often voiced) for the man who we would often see walking around who became known, not by his first name but, as the man that killed my uncle!

My family was hurting soo bad from the loss that there was no availability for me to discuss how I felt about the sudden removal of the man I wanted to be like.  They say time heals, most if not all wounds, this was a wound whose time had come and I was totally unprepared for it. You see my mother told me the autopsy revealed that my uncle had a terminal illness - WHAT?  Why am I just now hearing this some 30+ years later, are you kidding me!?  I have held and buried my hurt for so long that I did not realize how much of an open wound I still had.

As I sat on my mother's couch processing what she just told me I began to see God's Grace and Mercy as he spared the man I idolized as a child from a lengthy (no win) bout with an organ disease.  Not only that, He was showing me how I had internalized the loss of my uncle and made it personal to the point of me not being able to release it.  I realized how much agony I had spent on thinking about the loss to ME versus understanding that even when evil seems to have delivered yet another final blow, God shows He is still in control and as Romans 5:20 says, "...but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more..."

Let the healing begin, as I am reminded to let go and let God!

Blessings,
-d