The Struggle Continues

While in Northern Ireland/UK I took a tour of murals which illustrated the storied struggle between the Catholics and Protestants.  The eye opening thing for me was this (Protestants Vs. Catholics) is a GROSS simplification of the situation.  As I am not versed enough in the particulars to do it any justice, I will not attempt to expound on the situation.

With that said, I will say that seeing murals/reminders on both sides of the debate was a humbling experience.  Like any conflict, there are damages sustained by either party.  As an outsider  hearing/looking in I was saddened by what the tour guide said and what I saw.  I was shown a wall which is used to this day to separate the two sides the guide continued and stated the gates are closed at 9p.m. and others are not opened on the weekends.

From my perspective, and what I witnessed, the Irish people have soo much life to share and how much more amazing might it be if they were unified - I pray that day will come.  As the tour was ending, I was shown a few murals/art designs which seemed to indicate that some of the Irish people were trying to bridge the gap.

While it may not look like much (more so due to the picture), this art piece was filled with encouraging statements and is located on one of the walls seperating the two sides.

As I finished the tour I could not help but reflect on the struggle between good and evil.  Ephesians 6:12 (NRSV) "For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." 

It is easy to look at someone elses struggles and not be able to see your own struggles.  For we all are involved in a conflict of some sort.  Some are worthy of the effort, others are us trying to fight through our fears and find meaning and some are just not worth the fight.  We each make this choice through each of our struggles.  It is often good to pray, reflect and get a different opinion on the trials we face.

Blessings,
-d

That voice I Hear

There are times when I hear that voice, you know the one - no not your spouse/friend.  The one that whispers those compelling words! The whisper of follow me to all of your fantasies! Don't worry, I got your back and I promise no one will get hurt!

I completely understand Paul's dilemma of Romans 7:15. The struggle with the flesh is indeed a powerful one.  Because we are creatures of habit we often deal with issues the same way we did as adolescent children which in turn makes the struggle that much more complicated.  In order to begin to change our paradigm and response methodology we have to first recognize the response pattern that we use.  Ok what the heck am I saying?  Let’s use this example; if someone steps on your toe, the first reaction is to begin to yell as if the world were ending.  Yelling may be your response for everything even if the event is not worthy of yelling (i.e. the door slammed shut by accident).  Somewhere in your past you developed the need to yell, maybe it was because this is what you saw as a kid, maybe you often felt unheard, maybe seeing people’s reaction gave you a sense of power, etc…I think the point is made.

Response patterns can be responsible for many addictive patterns - eating, drinking, sex, working, manipulation, lying, gambling and so on.  Whenever we feel uncomfortable, that voice gets louder, takes us by the hand and leads to that old familiar place – Ahhhh I know this place.  We are duped into believing that we are safe and have avoided those uncomfortable feelings and instead settle for the habitual response, which we know from experience is a road going nowhere!

If you do what you always did, you will end up where you always were!  If you are not happy with the outcome of listening to that voice, begin to ignore it and try something new.  It will not be easy at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will become.  You will have to keep an ear out for that disillusioned voice but you can do it!  You can stop hurting You, God and those around you.  Find an accountability partner who will hold you to the task, find a support group, find a supportive church/mosque/temple/etc…

God Loves you and so do I,

-d

I am in no way a professional therapist/counselor, these are simply my thoughts.  Please seek professional advice as warranted.

Feeling Alone?

 

I woke up this morning needing a little push so I let iTunes do what it was built to do – play music (I know the software does more J).  The second song that came on was “You’re notalone” by Richard Smallwood and the lyrics seemed to resonate with me:

VERSE:
Though you're blinded by tears and consumed by your fears, And your daytime has turned to night, You may be unaware,  But there's someone who cares, And He's leading you to the light

CHORUS:
You're not alone, Never alone

VERSE:
There are times when you feel that you're all by yourself, Like an island out on the sea, But that's the enemy's way Of making you doubt, Cause God promised He'd never leave

CHORUS
Hold on, Stand tall He won't leave you Won't let you fall, In your darkest hour just remember, God is never too busy, Promised never to leave me

As the song continued, I reflected on where I had been and what I had thus far endured in this journey called life, I realized that my work was not done and that I was indeed not alone.  I thought about all of the times I felt alone but was being gently comforted and led out of my trial(s).  If I chose to dwell in my doubt filled cellar, the more fear and worry began to push the air out of my already confined space.  But when I focused on God’s goodness and/or trying to help someone else, light would begin to penetrate those old dingy familiar cellar walls!

I have found strength when encouraging others and have seen firsthand how Blessings can be disguised as work!  If we sit stewing in our sea of doubt and fear then the island of dissatisfaction and remorse await us.  If we pick up our cross, die daily and follow Christ we are filling up our raft of hope.  Not only does this hope benefit us, but it benefits strangers as well as others who see where you are and what you are enduring!  Most everyone can see a life (hope) raft passing by when they are desperate to be saved!

You are not alone!  So don’t doubt or act as if you are!  Encourage someone else with a text, post, phone call, letter, e-mail, video chat, post-it note, etc… by you seeking to encourage you will find yourself being encouraged.  See, it works as I feel better already!

Blessings,

-d

Where can I find a loyal and loving person?

Over the years, I have really come to appreciate the good ole' Gideons.  I appreciate being able to find a Bible in the hotel when I am travelling.  With companies going out of their way to provide soo many modern 'creature' comforts, I am sometimes the most pleased with the simple things - a genuine smile, glass/bottle of water, a cookie, a Bible in the room.  That is not to say I do not appreciate many of the other benefits of travel, because I do!  However, without the foundational things, like good customer service in place, the other things are often overshadowed.

When I travel to the UK one thing I appreciate the most is being able to understand most everyone.  I say most everyone because some of the accents combined with the speed with which they speak can make it a challenge, but not nearly as challenging as when I am in China or parts of Europe.  With that said, in all of the places I travel there is one thing that is consistent whether I understand them (or they me) or not - a GENUINE smile simply makes things better.

When traveling (domestic and international) I have the opportunity to interact with people from varied cultures, experiences and backgrounds.  Some of my most memorable experiences are with taxi drivers.  Generally when I begin a conversation with them, they light up and begin to use whatever means to communicate with me.  Sometimes due to language barriers that means pointing to things and using select words, for those interesed in the conversation we somehow make it work.

Due to the time change I found myself unable to sleep and so to the drawers I began to rumage - bingo a Gideons International Bible (NIV).  So to Proverbs 20 I went when verse 6 caugth my attention: "Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?"  That led to me pulling out my ipad (a creature comfort that can be helpful) and opening my Glo Bible app so I could read multiple versions.  I stopped and contemplated the Message bible (MSG) verbiage of Proverbs 20:6 - "Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving, but where on earth can you find one?"

I think the Message version resonnated with me because I am currently on the road.  So I sat, starred at the ceiling, the clock (0200), back to the ceiling and thought - Wow, how simple yet profound.  I read it as a challenge and it caused me to reflect on what I say about myself and compare that to how I live.  Do I live my life in a loyal and loving way?  Of course, I would like to think so but I am sure at times my human nature wins out and I act the complete opposite.  When I reflect further, I am reminded how life goes alot smoother when I treat other with love and kindness.  In spite of how they may have treated me, this takes us back to my blog on choices.

As I wrap my travel up in the UK, I will remember to genuinely smile at others (the foundation), be loyal, kind and loving.  If people do not respond in kind, I will not take it personal because it is usually something that has nothing to do with me which is bringing them down. 

The challenge is for each and everyone one of us to be accountable for our actions/reactions and be the person(s) who is/are loyal and loving.  Because without us doing it, the question is a good one - "...but where on earth can you find one?"

Blessings,
-d

As always, feel free to and a comment and let me know what you think. If you find it helpful, please let others know about the blog.

The power of choice

Yesterday as we were having dinner, my sons and I began to discuss choices and how they are as we say, "very powerful".  We discussed the similarities between the process of a rollercoaster ride and people's behavior.

We stepped through the process of waiting on the platform and watching the rollercoaster zip off, go up then down then loop only to come back down and rest at the platform waiting for the next set of thrill seekers.

I told them that people are the same, there are those who love to ride the rollercoaster, exit and race to get back in line. They are SOO animated that without fail some innocent bystander gets sucked in to trying the ride only to discover after the ride that this ride was not for them and they wished they had never jumped  on the band wagon.

So my youngest son says, "those people should just stay on the platform".  That is the point son, in life we have the ability (as hard as it may be at times) to chose to stay on the platform and not jump on that person's rollercoaster ride with them.  Yes, they will be animated and at times it will feel like they are dragging you with them.  Here is your opportunity to empower yourself and simply tell them you will be waiting on the platform for them when they get back - choices are very powerful!

Proverbs 16:32
"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." (KJV)

Blessings,
-d

What do I do with a broken heart?

Last night my oldest son came to me in distress wanting to talk about the fact that his heart was broken because the young lady whom he has been admiring for ~1 year told him that he was too young for her.  For him to be 2 years younger is sacrilege in the topsy turvy world of the teenager.  And so he sat at the foot of my bed with his hands in his face experiencing that first heart ping called – REJECTION!

My heart went out to him because I remember my first encounter with a broken heart, only to realize (later in life) that not only would my hear be broken many times over but it would actually be ripped out, stomped on and kicked around in the mud for the sport of it (I imagine I am not alone in this experience).

How do I shield my son from my jaded experience(s) and provide him with sage advice that would not only get him through this ordeal but also help him in times to come?  So, I smiled slightly out of the right side of my mouth, as I often do, looked him squarely in the eye and told him – “Breathe, think before you act and this too shall pass”.  His eyes said REALLY dad, I am going through it right now and you tell me to BREATHE…AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!

We continued to talk and I told him that in difficult times I always remind myself to breathe and pause before I react because my reaction is often times just as important as the event I just endured.  My reaction can either make the situation better or worse.  I then told him life has a funny way of being cyclical and if he handles himself appropriately he will most likely have another opportunity with the young lady - when he is old enough to date that is.  As we talked/walked through it, he seemed to turn the mental corner, said, “thanks for talking to me dad” and went to bed smiling.

This morning I inquired how he was doing and he said he was good and the talk helped.  What I have not had a chance to tell him is, broken hearts are like boomerangs.  The moment you throw them and feel better, it seems like they come back around and smack you when you least expect it.  While this is unfortunately a part of the healing process, my advice is still the same, breathe and think before you act.  Too often we do something simply to ‘make the pain go away’, only to find that it was a quick fix and it did not accomplish the goal we thought it would.  In fact, this sort of behavior can lead to other habit-forming problems.  The moment that ‘thing’ no longer dulls the pain, you need another (more powerful) thing!  Then one can become trapped in the vicious cycle of simply rotating bad habits.

If you do what you always did, you will end up where you always were.  So as I told my son, breathe and think before you act because your next choice might break more than your heart.

Prov. 8:10 (NIV) “Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold”

Blessings,

-d

As always, feel free to and a comment and let me know what you think.  If you find it helpful, please  let others know about the blog.

What is life's purpose?

Today is the first day (in about 5 days) that I am beginning to feel normal.  I was sucker punched by that Flu going around and maaaaannnn is it a doozy!  In between my headache, body aches, hot flashes - no wait cold flashes - darn it I'm hot again and many other uncomfortable experiences I won't discuss. I fond myself lying in the bed, tossing of course as I could only lay in one position for soo long, thinking about life and all of the things I would rather be doing.

I am not sure what makes us get reflective when we feel like pooh, maybe we are in touch with our mortality?  Anyway, I reflected on what the purpose of life was and rediscovered that time is neutral, we simply choose what we fill it with.  Now that I had nothing but time, because my brain was unable to function on any level above LOW, I chose to spend some quiet moments with my family.  I make sure I spend plenty of time with my family, it is usually the active variety.  Now I was having simple conversations (key word simple) and reading this book, "Trail Mix" with my youngest son.  He took a liking to the book because it is full of short stories about how kids close to his age overcame obstacles.  Although some of these kids really had some roadblocks, they all persevered.

Then it slowly hit me, life's purpose is to make wise choices with the time you have because none of us have a drama free life.  When drama, trauma, or pain hit we call into question what our purpose is.  That purpose has not changed, it is to be the salt of the earth and show this in our daily lives.  Choices are powerful and what better way to share our purpose than through example.  We do not always know what the will of God is for our lives, in times when we are not sure we can follow the principles in the Bible and this may be light that leads us to our purpose.

Often times I tell the youth I work with (and those around me), "follow that which you love so much to do that you would do it for free".  The odds are you will do 'this' very well because you are not doing it for any other reason than for the love of it.  God has given each one of us the tools we need, we have to pull them out of the shed, sharpen them and put them to good work.  Each of our purposes starts with Faith!


Psalms 16:11 (KJV) says, "Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."

Blessings,

-d

Do you need encouragement?

Today was one of those days when I just wasn't myself.  To put it plainly, I was a little down.  I really don't know why I was feeling that way - it was just one of those days...

My wife called me to verify what time the kids rehearsal was and I told her that I would meet them at the church.  The physical part of me was yelling, nooooooo just go home and rest!  For whatever reason I ignored that voice and ended up making it home in time to ride with my family.  I still had second thoughts because I am trying to do better (last 6 months) at taking some time out for me which I struggle with.  So off we go...

Once at the church I begin to talk to this very nice couple.  We talked about all sorts of things, health, jobs, God, kids, etc...  During the conversation they mentioned that they were having a tough time financially as the husband had been laid off and was pursuing work.  The amazing thing was, I could not tell they were under any kind of distress.  Not only were they smiling and laughing, they stated that they were extremely happy and could see God's hand at work.  The couple is sincere so I knew this was not a sly ploy to ask for money and this was verified when I pulled the husband to the side to ask if they needed something and he replied, "...no D, God is taking care of us..."  He went on to tell me they had food in the fridge and all the bills were paid.

He didn't stop there, he proceeded to give me a testimony of when they got married, the entire family (including two children) was stranded (due to a series of events) in an airport with $9.00.  He detailed how they prayed and God answered by sending three complete strangers on different occasions to give them over $100.00 to last sleeping in the airport overnight and being able to feed the kids.  In all, they were in the airport for ~20 hours with no credit card, an ATM card which became demagnetized and a dead cell phone.  He was sharing this story with me because he said he had seen first hand how God answers prayer and can get them/us through any situation.  He finished by saying, if it really gets that bad he will reach out for help but right now, they were happy with making it.

When we finished, I felt my spirits lifted and thought, what if I had stayed at home.  I would not have received this testimony/blessing.  Sometimes our blessings/encouragement lies in us being active and not simply sitting in the misery of discouragement.  Phillipians 4:4-7 (MSG) says,
"4-5 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!  
6-7 Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Blessings,
-d

Happy New Year - On With Forgiveness...?

Here we are in the first days of the new year.  So many resolutions, high hopes and best intentions to leave last year in last year.  Using my own life as a case study, I have often found those things that I prefer to leave in the past, neatly tucked away in a backpack/trunk called un-forgiveness that I carry.

It is more difficult than simply making a resolution to leave my back pack behind.  Instead I allow this pack to assume the position of unnecessary (yet familiar) weight upon my back.  I have been hurt and said I was over it and moving on!  Only to find that I had simply tucked the hurt away in my handy dandy backpack with many more of my PAST hurts.

The new year is not only about leaving things behind but can also serve as a catalyst in making positive changes such as meditating, finding balance, exercising, resting, smiling, etc...  The New Year truly is a Blessing and I am always appreciative to have lived to see another year.

With all of the excitement and resolution making, I sometimes loose sight of the fact that there are things I truly need to forgive and leave behind.  So often I have been able to talk about leaving something behind but not actually doing it.  In more recent years I have found that holding on to things has created a sort-of prison for me.  When I see, hear or am reminded by someone (or an event) that caused me hurt - I go right back to that same place of hurt and sometimes react as if I was re-living the event.

Forgiveness is not you releasing the individual, it is you releasing, well - you!  The sooner I have truly forgiven (not necessarily forgotten) the better I have felt and opened my life to receiving the blessings that happen everyday.  With the life lessons forgiveness brings, I have come to realize that it is not only ok but often necessary to build healthy boundaries around ourselves and those we interact with.   This is not a boundary of 'Keep the World Away', but instead an honest & beautifully designed reflection of who I am and what I am able to handle/cope with.

Once we are honest with ourselves and in turn others (with kindness), we are empowered to set appropriate expectations and hopefully reduce the drama that surrounds us daily.  The first steps are to accept responsibility for our missteps, forgive ourselves (Ps 65:3 NIV), alter our choices accordingly, leave it/them in the past and enjoy the Blessings the new Year brings.


Isiah 43:18-19 (NIV) "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing!..."


Happy New Year & Blessings,
-d

P.s. As always, if you enjoy the blog please subscribe, comment and pass the link along to others who may find this beneficial

                                              New Years brunch at my brother & sisters house