Determination

Last night I was helping my son with his math, which can be a mixed bag.  He is soo determined to be able to say, "I understand it" that he will often start doing it without help or truly understanding what he is doing.  While this at times drives me batty, I have to temper my reaction(s) because his determination to learn and be able to do it on his own is vital to him believing in himself once he becomes an adult.

Back to last night, after a challenging day for both he and myself, it was time to get to what we loved most - MATH!  (Yeah, I was being sarcastic)  Anyway, as we were going over his algebra, it became evident to both he and I that this challenging day was going to have a challenging night to match.  Three hours later...while we both were mentally drained, we were amped because he finished all of his math!  This was completely due to his determination to finish.  He did need quite a bit of help initially but toward the end I was able to let him work independently (while I cooked dinner) and to his surprise he fully understood the concept.

I was proud of him, not because of his determination as I have seen this many times before, because he was able to give up control and trust the process that his father was teaching him.  In times past this was more of a struggle and we would not have completed his work if he was not willing to change his behavior and try something new - if you do what you always did, you'll end up where you always were.

Our spiritual journey is similar, it is one that requires determination and the ability to learn to let go and trust God.  Most of the time when we find ourselves backed into a corner we have done all we can yet many times we do not seek another method for solving the problem but instead rely on our own devices.  When you find yourself here, seek God, trust the process and seek external help if required.  You just might learn a new and better way of handling your situation(s), be patient and don't rush through the experience for there is just as much value in the journey as reaching the end point.

 James 4:3 (NIV84) "...When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures..."

Blessings,
-d

It's just too much!

Today was one of those times I thought to myself that - "It's just too much" and wanted to get out of the game and sit on the sidelines for a little while.  I figured no one would miss me for a short absence, at least that is the lie I told myself.  I then went into my pity party and named all of the legitimate reasons why it was all too much - from the family chronic illnesses, challenging work, kids demands, pressure that comes with being the sole provider and the list really does go on...

Once I got my pity party out of the way and began to take a good look around as I walked the streets of San Francisco, I was reminded that there are other realities that are worse than mine.  It was not only the homeless persons I passed, it was also the mental capacities displayed by many people and those who had physical challenges.  The ironic thing was those (not all) I witnessed with physical challenges seemed to be taking it all in stride and enjoying the aspects of life they had influence over.

Pausing and taking it all in allowed me to reflect on the positive things in my life - a loving God, loving family, health, employment, shelter, food, working in one of the greatest cities in the world and this list truly goes on too.  I realize this change in thought did not change the circumstances I face daily.  It did however pull me out of the negative tail spin and provide me with the energy boost I needed to complete my work day and go tend to the demands that surround me!  I also reflected on one of the first blogs I wrote titled - "Dealing with Pain"where I ended with noting it was important to fight the negative flow of thoughts.

As I was feeling overwhelmed, I realized this is where my faith comes in.  Do I really believe that God would not give me anything that I could not handle (1Corinthians 10:13)?  Or are these verses simply things I say when someone else is going through a challenging time and I put on my Christian face - No!  I believe and claim these promises, I will make it!

Romans 12:2 says - "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." 

Blessings,
-d

The Guilt of Sin...!?

Recently I was speaking to someone who was weighed down by a sinful choice they had made.  While the choice was not a good one, I was saddened by the response of this individual.  It was as if they believed God was seeking to punish them MERCILESSLY for the choice they had made.  We know from living and based on Romans 6:23 that there are consequences to sin - ^"For the wages of sin is death,..." So often people stop there and do not finish the verse which concludes by saying - "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NKJV) 

It says it clearly "THE GIFT", there is nothing we can do in and of ourselves. Because our righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6).  So even if we think we are living a perfect life and making all of the right choices, it is like filthy rags and we should be careful that pride does not creep in and suffocate humility and the reliance on God.  

So as me and this individual talked, I reminded them that this thinking was a GREAT lie and a trick of the devil.  For the devil desires for us to believe that we have to "do better" in order to come before God - again, this is a lie!  We are to come as we are and allow God to enter and begin to change us from within so that we have true repentance (a turning away from sin) and sustained change.  It is the guilt of dealing with our choices that so easily throws us off track and makes us want to give up and not keep fighting the good fight.  Ignore those voices (embedded link to a blog entry) and push past the negativity.  Allow God in and slowly begin to overcome those habitual choice patterns.  I think Micah 7:18-19 (NKJV) says it best: 

"18 Who is a God like You, Pardoning iniquity And passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, Because He delights in mercy.  19 He will again have compassion on us, And will subdue our iniquities.  You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea."


God is MERCY, enjoy the GIFT because the price has already been paid, you simply have to accept it (and Him) and allow that still small voice to take charge!

Blessings,
-d

What do I do with Anxiety?

I was recently speaking with a co-worker and they were obsessing over a situation surrounding their child, while (in my view) the situation was important, it did not warrant the toll it was taking on them.  Anxiety is such a powerful word and emotion, it can make you feel as if your personal space is the size of a fifty cent piece that has a piece of furniture being lowered onto it.

The internal pressure can be overwhelming to the point where we believe our doom is eminent.  This is in spite of the fact that often times at the moment we are feeling this way, everything is ok.  We are in essence trying to predict the future and this will always cause some sort of biological reaction.  I'm sure some of the things I am saying is nothing new, so then why do so many individuals suffer from anxiety?

I wish I knew the answer to that question and can not pretend that I do.  What I can offer is an observation that I have noticed.  I have noticed that when we are unable to control our anxiety we try to control everything else around the situation.  In essence, it appears that we try to manage our anxiety by gripping tighter when we should be loosening our grip and trying to apply various tools to deal with anxiety.

So what are some ways to deal with this (this is not an all conclusive list):

1. Focus on the present and block out any negative/hopeless thoughts
2. Focus on the positive
3. Be proactive and do your best to devise a plan to handle the situation
4. Accept uncertainty and know you can not control all outcomes
5. Get out/exercise
6. Rest and eat healthy
7. Pray/meditate
8. Seek help
9. Search the internet for solutions that work for you

Matt 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things." (NKJV)

Matthew 6 has several goodies - hit the link embedded in "Mathew 6".

Blessings,
-d

A Brotherly Love

Today was a good day as my brother and I were hanging out having some ‘fella time’ and we always have some of the most interesting conversations about life.  Let me pause here and provide a little background on me and my brother, because we shared a bedroom from wee pups through most of college we grew and remain extremely close – sometimes to the chagrin of our wives J.   By us always being in close proximity, we have shared and experienced some of the BEST and WORST that life has to offer.

My brother, simply put, is my road dog and sometimes I take for granted that I have someone in my life who will give me the best advice, no matter whether I like the advice or not.  Many are not as fortunate to have a relationship like my brother’s and I and as a result seek a fulfilling platonic relationship through various means.  I do not believe that all of the means that people use are necessarily negative or bad.  I just want to point out that if you have a great relationship such as my brother and I have, you should cherish and nurture it.

My brother and I had to trust each other with our most vulnerable thoughts and failures.  As a result, we not only challenged our relationship but allowed it to be strengthened and grow.  Did our relationship have many lows – YES, we fought, yelled, kicked and scratched but never did we gave up on each other – instead, we FORGAVE.

Luke 17:3-4 (NIV) - 3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Blessings,

-d

Hope Vs. Hopelessness

I did a simple internet search and came away with the following definitions for hope and hopelessness:

HOPE

1. want or expect something: to have a wish to get or do something or for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely
2. confident desire: a feeling that something desirable is likely to happen

HOPE·LESS

1. with no hope of success: unable to succeed or improve, or unable to be resolved, helped, or cured
2. despairing: feeling or showing no hope

Again, this was a simple internet search to help establish a baseline definition for the two words.  In life we are faced with many challenges, some can fuel our hope as we work our way through them and without fail there are those which can leave us feeling hopeless.

In life, I have found that hope and faith are joined together or should be joined together.  If an event/situation is allowed to take our hope and rob of us of the expectation that something will happen - well, then we are left with HOPELESSNESS.  Once hopelessness settles in and establishes residence, this is usually an indication that our faith has been lost.

Why is this so important one might ask, Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV) tells us, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  This I believe that the two (Faith and Hope) are tied together.  Well this is nice and all, but what can one do if they find themselves hopeless?  I'm glad you asked!

First off, I realize that there are some challenging situations that can leave one feeling hopeless - a terminal disease, loss of a loved one, illness, physical impairments, etc...  I am not saying that everything is soo easy to simply 'push past' and act as if it doesn't exist - that would be silly of me to suggest.

I will suggest the first place to begin to overcome hopelessness - is in your mind.  When I have found myself in situations I thought to be hopeless I began to tell myself the truth!  It is a TOUGH place to be, but that does not make it hopeless.

Second, I try to do things (even if those things are only mental) that make me active and get me to see that the world is not such a bad place.

Third, I try to surround myself with individuals who truly care about me and are encouraging and doing positive things with their own lives.  This can include finding a support group, even if it is an online group.

Fourth, I think about things that are going right and are positive in my life.

Fifth, Remember I have to LOVE myself in order to find something to believe in!

Psalms 31:24 "Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord."

Blessings,
-d

Acceptance

Acceptance can mean so many things based on its application yet at its base it simply stands for a willingness to allow something or someone access.  There are many times when we allow things/people access to US when it would be prudent if we did not.

Two weeks ago, prior to my UK trip, my youngest son accepted the alter call and accepted Christ for his own.  I would not have known this had occurred if one of the elders did not walk up and tell me.  You see, when the call came I bowed my head, closed my eyes and began to earnestly pray for anyone struggling with the decision of acceptance.  Who knew my son would be one of those I was praying for.  He described the event as feeling a tugging and knowing that he was supposed to go down to the alter.  Tears of humility and joy well up in my eyes as I recall his words. 

What if my son had continued to fight with what he felt was a calling?  I am not suggesting that he would be lost or anything like that, I am suggesting that the war would continue to be waged inside his mind and body.  When I asked him how he felt after he went up, he stated he was relieved.  I continued to inquire, he told me he had been struggling with this decision for some time but was afraid.  I told him that I understood and it was completely normal as this is a big decision.  Now that he has accepted the call, the real work begins.

What you might ask?  The work of preparing him for the next stage of this spiritual war we are in.  The first step is always acceptance of the gift that someone LOVES us in-spite of the worst you can think of yourself!  Next comes the preparation of being able to deal with those voices ( see my entry on voices) and navigate the unshaky seas of choices and what they mean.  As for me, its time to recalibrate and continue to be one of his trusty compasses he will need along this journey.

We all need different compasses in our lives for different situations.  I accept the challenge, will you be a compass for someone else who may be in need of one? 

Blessings,
-d