To Trust or Not To Trust

Trust, a simple word that contains soo much meaning, power and influence.  It can be applied to various scenarios and has a plethora of meanings.  On the flip side, it can also be used as a weapon.

When used in such a manner (as a weapon) and many times unintentionally, it leaves such devastation in its wake that people become shells of the individual(s) they were. Instead of fulfilling their God given purpose they find creative ways/places to hide/shield themselves from the possibility of having to suffer yet another devastating blow.

As a child I grew up knowing that I was loved. Yet the violence that surrounded me clouded this love and instead of stepping into and flourishing in this love, I began to mistrust. As my mistrust grew so did my failed relationships. You see I saw love as a thing that looked one way but really was a weapon waiting to be used at the opportune time. My girlfriends would always tell me that I was a robot. I did not understand why they thought that way, you see I figured if I did a whole lot of nice things for them (which I did), was respectful, worked hard and had a great personality this would be enough. Boy was I wrong because each one of my relationships including my wife has told me in one way or another that I was like a robot - distant. It took me a bit of time to figure out what they meant and once I did, I was too stuck in my habitual pattern of dealing with my deep seeded pain to man up and do anything about it. Not only that, what would I do about it? I had no clue what to do! I lacked the tools to deal with this situation. So instead I continued to do what I always did - WORK HARDER at hiding!

Until one day while in Spain I received a call from my wife telling me that she was simply hanging in the marriage for the sake of our two young children. I curled up in the fetal position and cried myself too sleep, I mean how could I have worked soo hard and failed? Not only had my works failed, I pushed the person I loved away with all of the controlling antics and ways to fulfill my sick truth that she was simply going to pull out that sword called trust and cut my heart out when the time was right.

Now that I knew how she felt, I had some choices to make and none of them would be easy. I could continue in the way I was going or strap my boots up and begin to face my demons. You see, either is a difficult path - quitting or working toward reconciliation. They both require one to make some hard choices and commitments that are not the most comfortable. I chose to fight my demons because I knew if I did not I would simply continue to allow them to occupy prime space in my mind that was intended for something else. To add insult to injury, I would carry them around with me for the rest of my life wondering why I had failed relationship after relationship and that was NOT AN OPTION!

I was faced with the decision to open up and trust or continue to alienate my wife.  While it was not easy, I chose to leave behind the relationship lessons I had learned as a child and trust!  It was one of the best decisions I made. 

Has your trust been broken?  Are you hiding so you don’t have to trust and risk hurt?  

Another Tragedy - Boston

I have been mulling over what occurred at the Boston Marathon earlier this week.  As details are emerging regarding what was used as the explosive device(s) it is all the more real that a human being was responsible for this - oh but WHY? 

As with any Tragedy in life we are always left with that feeling of WHY?  Often times the resolution that we seek will not be forthcoming. 

The first part of this week I have been traveling with a guy from Boston.  He had just found out what had occurred in his beloved city minutes prior to my meeting him in the hotel lobby.  He was visibly shaken and as his eyes darted back and forth it seemed like I could see his brain asking the why & who would do this questions.  I simply sat quietly and listened as he voiced his frustration, anger, fear, etc...What would/could I say to him?

I knew there were no words that could take his anxiety away and simply expressed my condolences for such a heinous act.

To hear/read about the lives of the 3 who have died, including 8 year old Martin Richard, is more than heart wrenching.   When life is lost for senseless acts, I am not sure there are any words that can dull the pain - time simply has to do it's job.  And sometimes time does not seem like enough...

When I speak to youth, I often tell them that building your faith is like working out.  You start small and increase the weight/intensity as time goes on.  We do this so when we need the strength/stamina of our bodies it is able to come through for us when we need it.  In times like these our faith must be strong to endure the many questions that plague our minds.

My prayers of healing and peace are with Boston and the surrounding community!

Blessings,
-d

P.s. I thought this blog was a nice way to summarize some of the Boston pastoral reactions - http://www.edstetzer.com/2013/04/tragedy-in-boston-reactions-fr.html

P.s.s I titled this "Another Tragedy" because I wrote a blog entry in December on the Sandy Hook shootings.  I realize there have been many tragedies (some not written about) but this is simply a point of reference.

2Corin 12: 9-10- " ⁹And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (NKJV)

A Greatful Spirit

While hanging out with my sons, I recently had the fortune of sitting and discussing life with a young man who was ~26 years old.  Prior to us talking, his gaze was menacing and his body language communicated - leave me alone!

I pushed through my comfort zone and said hello and asked him how he was doing?  To my surprise he spoke back and in turn asked me how I was doing.  When anyone asks me this (including the CEO of my company), I always respond - "I'm Blessed".  After my response he asked me, if I read the word.  I told him I do my best to read it daily as a reminder of how to remain humble and obtain the encouragement I need to make it through life's trials.

As our conversation continued, we covered many different topics.  I could not help but sense this young man seemed to have a lot of anger bottled within himself.  I was not sure how to approach this conversation with a complete stranger.  Then it happened, we began to exchange Bible verses that resonated with each of us, my sons had that look of - "here dad goes again".  I stated that we are to be the salt of the earth because there are many occasions where we may be the only Jesus that someone sees.  In these times it is not so much about the words we speak but the deeds we keep.  He nodded acknowledging my statement, I continued, the way we feel on the inside has a way of rising to the surface and revealing itself.  If we are feeling hostile/angry, then this is what comes to the surface.  If we are proclaiming how good God is, our attitude should reflect the fact that we believe we have been and are being transformed.



I am the first to admit that we will generally  have some sort of struggle and therefore may not always feel very Christiany (Yup - I made that word up).  This is part of our human experience, it is not so much that we experienced this feeling but it is the subsequent actions we take to deal with them.  A grateful spirit is one that understands (and shows) that while we are not where we want to be, we are better off than we used to be.  This I believe is one of the cornerstones of the faith community - the acceptance and belief that our Father has paid the price for our iniquities.  Therefore, if a burden has been lifted, we should have a happier/lighter disposition so when others see the transformation our lives have taken (or the way we live our lives), they will want to learn more about why we are the way we are.

I believe the young man understood where I was coming from.  It also provided me the opportunity to evaluate whether or not I portray a grateful spirit as I interact with people along life's journey - what about you?

Rejoice!  Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (NKJV)

Blessings,
-d

Storms of Life

Storms of life are a guarantee for those of us who are alive or have lived.  This statement of fact does not make it any easier to adjust to or deal with when the storms settle over your life.  The unsettling heaviness that storms bring can wreck havoc on our spiritual, mental & physical states.

Earlier I stated that my wife and I went on a cruise to the Caribbean.  During the final 24hours of the cruise, there was one segment where the weather changed from a warm, mostly sunny day to a cold, wet, thunderstorms and lightining day.  The transition from one to the other was relatively fast, if I had to guess, I would say within 15 minutes.  As the boat continued its course through the midst of the storm an unsettling feeling could be felt throughout the boat.  I'm sure more than just my wife and I thought about the Titanic (yes I know it was an iceberg that sunk the Titanic).  It was unsettling because again mother nature was showing her true power and rocking this 7 ton vessel back and forth with the same ease that a child uses to when playing with a rocking chair.

The picture below is an actual picture of the weather that the boat was in.  The white dots in the picture are rain drops that the camera was able to capture, there was a lot more rain than this image captures but I thought it would provide insight into what the boat faced.
                                                                     


Ultimately the storm subsided and the life on the boat once again resumed a lively, light hearted feeling.  I could not help but reflect on times in my life when it seemed as all was going well and then all of a sudden, someone dropped a storm directly onto my head.  I wish I could say that the storms in my life were easy to overcome and left no scars, but I would be lying.  It is during these trials that not only has my faith been strengthened, I am also better equipped to maneuver through the remaining trials that may come my way.

Once the storms pass, I am able to praise God that His word served as my compass to navigate the dense & dangerous waters that I faced.  Some of the greater dangers are the various unhealthy  coping mechanisms we use to pacify ourselves.  The usage of these unhealthy coping mechanisms in times past have left me in worse situations.  I have done my best to identify which coping strategies are healthy so that I can keep them in my tool shed and get rid of the others.

How do you deal with the storms of life?  Do you allow the unsettling feeling to take charge and make decisions that could lead to making a bad situation worse?  Do you rely on your faith muscles and seek other ways to handle storms?

I Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Blessings,
-d

What's Love Got To Do With It

One definition I found for love was, "an intense feeling of deep affection".  I often hear people refer to love as a "strange thing", while I am not in complete disagreement with this statement, I too am not in total agreement with this sentiment.  Love (to me) is much more about action(s) than it is about emotion(s).  So often love is portrayed as romantic feeling that you feel in your gut when that person you are smitten with comes into your presence.  Media shows love as in a variety of ways but rarely does it show the work and sacrifice it takes to maintain this feeling.  If you do not put anything into the love you interact with then it s surely to come to nothing. There is nothing wrong with having an emotional feeling, in fact this is a good thing if you feel this when in the presence of someone you love.

My wife and I just came back off of a week long cruise to the Caribbean.  We decided to leave our boys behind as we celebrated our 15 year anniversary.  During this time we talked, reconnected and simply enjoyed each others company.  When we are at home, there are soo many things we let get in the way of us simply being able to sit and talk to each other and spend quality time together.  On occasion, we do sneak in time in between all of our other responsibilities, but it is nothing like the concentrated time that we had together while on the cruise.  By us putting in the work to sit in each others presence, push through the silent moments and talk.  We were able to show each other love in the simple, everyday ways that we often overlook - like holding hands, laughing, playing footsies, etc...




John 3:16 tells us that God so loved the world (had such a deep affection) that He did something - He gave His only son so that we would have a way to get back to the Father.  Because He loved us, He was not satisfied with the warm fuzzy feeling that He had after creating us.  He sent His son so that we would spend one-one time with Him so we could find out what needs to be done in order for us to make it to the kingdom.  The more time we spend with Him the better off we are and our relationship strengthens & grows.  It is not in the busy moments that our relationship grows, it is in the still one-one moments that we obtain greater insight into what a loving realtionship is.  Love should drive us to want to spend more valuable time with those we love, not only spend more time but if there are areas in our life that we need to change because it is the better way to live (not change to be controlled), we should be willing to take action and begin to change.

What is love to you?  What have you done recently for those you love?

Blessings,
-d

A Gift

Gifts come in many packages and are things that just about everyone enjoys - unless your name is Scrouge.  While this is a true statement, there are those times when you obtain a gift that you could have done without or are left wondering, why would they buy/give me that.  Of course there are times when you obtain a gift that someone else had to force on you because you did not see it as being a gift.

 

When it was time for me to select another college, my mother insisted I give a Christian college a chance.  I had every legit argument in the book for refusing the gift that she was proposing.  Not only could we not afford the tuition on a single mother's salary but the school was in Alabama and I had never been to Alabama but had heard enough negative stories to fill a barn with.  The final word came down to my mother being a parent, making a tough decision, believing it was the correct thing for me and telling me my flight left in a month - so I had better start saying goodbye!  

Aaaaggggghhhhh, are you kidding mom?!  I mean did you not hear the part where I said we could not afford for both me and my brother to be in college on a single parent salary?  Ok you could have missed that, but what about the part where I said I was AFRAID of going to Alabama?  Through it all my mother maintained her faith saying - 'this is a good opportunity for you and God will make a way'.  I would quip, yeah He might but how does He do it at a $12,000/year school and I only have $400 paid with no way  of paying the remaining $11,600?

Long story short, I was able to get registered with a combination of grants, loans and a work program.  This in itself was a gift that I could have never seen coming, it was the gift of Faith building.  Me being able to see first hand how God took a situation I thought was all but impossible to fix and FIXED IT!   This gift continues to pay dividends to this day, not only did I meet Christ at this school but I became focused & worked hard because I knew what a sacrifice this was.  My mom was right, the school was good for me and God did make a way.  I realize that one could right this off as coincidental, but you would be mistaken because it took divine intervention for me find the funds and get registered for school in ~3 days - otherwise it was back on a plane to California.

So often we are in such a hurry to open the gift and get to the 'good stuff', we miss being able to savor and enjoy the experience of slowly opening the gift and starting to use it.  I am grateful that I was at a place in my life where I could enjoy the difficult experiences of not only trying to register for school but make my mom proud and earn my degree in Chemistry.  Some of the stories I had heard about Alabama where true but there was soo much more to this state and its people.  Being in Alabama allowed me to find out who I was, what I was about and see what my reaction would be in difficult situations.  This gift saved my life and now provides a key building block I use in raising our sons.

Is there a gift disguised as work that you are fighting?  Is the main driver fear?

 

Proverbs 18:16 - A man's gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men.

Blessings,

-d