Relationship Rebound

I was speaking with an acquaintance recently and I noticed the way she maneuvered through the world had changed.  I know, it sounds crazy because I am trying to find a decent way of saying this...

She was now wearing clothing items that well...had less clothing (I think that does it).  First of all, this is not a sly (or direct) way of putting women down as I have had some male acquaintances do the same thing!  With that disclosure, on with the blog entry.  As I simply listened, she began to tell me about how her over 4 year relationship had ended and she was on her way (~7 weeks later) to a far away romantic city with a "catch of all catches"!

When I spoke with her after this wonderful trip I inquired how the trip was.  The look on her face said volumes and then she said it - he broke up with me after the trip was over!  I immediately felt sorry for her for I could feel the pain and her deep yearning for understanding.  While she was able to deduce what had just happened, it appeared she was not ready to accept some simple truths.

Truth 1 - she has value whether with someone or not
Truth 2 - she is loved
Truth 3 - she is worthy
Truth 4 - she is not less than
Truth 5 - she has a place to call home
Truth 6 - those voices she is hearing that says 1-5 are not true - are lies!
Truth 7 - she needs time to mourn/heal the loss of the first relationship

Soo many people quickly jump out of one relationship/marriage and into the next believing & hoping they will not have to endure the pain that comes with healing from a relationship wound.  My experience has taught me that it is during these healing times that we learn a great deal about ourselves. We should take the time to take inventory of areas we can improve so we do not carry these same issues into the next relationship (even if it is with the same person).

The funny thing about rebounding is, we often do the same thing in our relationship with God.  If we feel let down by Him, we seek out those old habits and look to them for our peace instead of trusting that He can handle what ever we throw at Him.

How do you handle relationship breakups?

Proverbs 16:25 - There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.

2Timothy2:22  - Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Blessings,
-d

My World Is Caving In!

The words reverberated in my ears as they were spoken.  What did it all mean I quietly thought to myself, making sure on the outside I was composed and agreeable.

All the while internally I felt my blood pressure increase and my anxiety began to shatter speed and distance records in what seemed like the blink of an eye.  But WAIT WAIT, why am I trying to predict what is going to happen in  the future based on someone speaking some loosely joined words.  There was no denying that the words had impact & meaning.  But that does not mean that the next steps I invisioned were on the horizon because last I checked I had no crystal ball (that worked anyway) that had guided all of my decisions.  If I did have one (a crystal ball that worked) maybe I would have a few less 'scars' from my life choices.

My situation reminded me of when Elijah prayed for death and ultimately ran to a cave to hide from Jezebel. (I Kings 19)  Here Elijah's anxiety had gotten to him so much so that he figured the best plan was to run and hide for he was in a hostile environment - he was the sole remaining prophet (verse 10)!  But God had other plans for him, He wanted Elijah to go and anoint two kings and find his replacement  (Elisha).  While the Bible does not indicate how Elijah is feeling now, it does tell/show us that Elijah now has purpose and I would like to believe that this purpose removed much of the anxiety he felt.

So after talking myself off of the ledge (it felt like that), I found myself with a renewed purpose - continue to build on the things I have put in place.  This way if my predictions become a reality, I would have already created a alternate path.

So often we allow fear/anxiety to rule over us, stunt our growth and prohibit us from doing what God has planned.  My anxiety is gone, I am not only trusting in Him but adding works to my faith for,

¹⁴ What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? ¹⁷ Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. James 2:14-17

How do you handle your anxiety?  Are you allowing it to rule you or are you activating your faith/works and ruling over it?

I just realized I listed some techniques for dealing with anxiety here.

Blessings,
-d  

The Road To Humility

My brother and I recently had a conversation about humility.  We both reflected on various lessons that life had taught us.  Somehow we transitioned into what we both thought was a great example of the road not to take to humility.

My brother began to describe what he took from the story of King Nebuchadnezzar found in Daniel chapter 4.  My brother recalled how Nebuchadnezzar was a king who was on top. He then forgot God in all of the pomp and circumstance, verse 30 says, "The king spoke saying, Is not this great Babylon, that I have built for a royal dwelling by my mighty power and for the honor of my majesty?”.  At that moment, verse 31 says that Nebuchadnezzar began his journey to humility but he first had a stop at a place called CRAZY!

This is the same King who had seen God's might with the three Hebrew boys - Shadrach, Meshach & Abed-nego in the previous chapter (Daniel 3).  But how easily he had forgotten and quickly fell into being filled by the praises of man. In our instant gratification society, this is an easy trap.  Everything around us tells us that we should have it all, have it now & enjoy the recognition that comes with it!  This is a gross distortion that often leads to a humility filled experience.

Once Nebuchadnezzar realized the error of his ways and lifted his eyes to heaven, the Bible says his understanding came back.  So many times in life it is the "traumatic experiences" that teach us the greatest lessons if we are simply willing to look back, take notes, push through our fears and apply those lessons.

Nebuchadnezzar forgot the lesson(s) he learned/witnessed in Chapter 3 and therefore had to go through a worse experience so the lesson(s) could be learned.

Are you or someone you know on the road to humility?  I pray you bypass Nebuchadnezzar's path...

Blessings,
-d

A Hero Among Us

While the word Hero means various things to many people, I believe it is safe to say that when one sees the word, it resonates within us and inspires hope.  I have seen (as we all have) many headlines with HOPE plastered in the forefront to grab our attention and insight curiosity.

I think many of us would feel honored to have someone refer to us as a hero.  What is a hero?  Someone who: saves lives, takes risks, fights for freedom/justice, battles a terminal illness, teaching/working in an impoverished area, the list goes on.  But what about the simple everyday tasks like: loving those around you, working everyday to support your family, volunteering, caring for someone with an illness, being present for your family/children, taking your mother/father out to eat, smiling, etc...

I had the privilege of having my youngest son & mother refer to me as a hero.  At first I blew it off thinking, "they are putting a lot on it" but then I stopped and wondered why they called me a hero so I inquired and here is what was said.  My youngest son told me he had a project in school for Black History month where they were to write who was one of their African-American heroes and why.  He said he chose me because, "I provide for the family, play with him, take him to basketball and drum lessons and take him on vacations".  I was blown away that this 10 year old child had the presence of mind to consider all of these heroic acts.  My initial inclination was to dismiss his assessment for clearly he did not understand what being a hero meant.  That could not be because in my household we have discussed many "heroes" of many nationalities.  On top of that I rattled off some prominent African American names and asked why did he not choose someone like that.  His answer, "I thought about it dad - but you are my hero".  I was truly and still am humbled by this.

So when my mother called me and my brother her heroes I understood because my mother is one of mine for all that she has endured and overcome to ensure my brother and I had the best chance at 'decent' quality of life.  She worked VERY hard to make us as well rounded as she could raising us on her own in an economically depressed town.

My definition of hero is now broader because the simple consistent acts require strength, will, bravery, integrity and sacrifice - many of the characteristics found in what society deems a "hero". 

Who is your hero? Whose hero are you?

 

Blessings,

-d

Happy Mother's Day!

Each one of us on the earth has a mother and today is the day that mother's are celebrated for all they do and have done!

I won't even pretend to know all that it takes to give birth to a human being and then nourish, love and care for that human being.  I will and can say THANK YOU to all of the mothers who have done this.

So often all of the daily efforts that mothers put forward is simply taken for granted and still day after day, like the alarm clock that is set, they get up and do it all over again.  Many never complain and instead use that God given drive to kiss the oweees away, hug the hurts, love the cavernous holes left by others, believe in you when you can't go on, pray for you when all hope is gone and tell you they LOVE YOU when you stand in the wrong!

We salute you mom even on days you don't hear it because without you, there is no we!

Blessings,
-d

The booby-trap I set for myself

I was recently reading the story of Jonah and was drawn to the attempts he made to get out of doing what he was asked to do.  How often had I tried to get out of doing what was requested only to see it explode in my face.

One simple funny story in particular comes to mind. One day I had gotten fed up with being the one to remove any partially empty beverage carton(s) out of the fridge. To make matters worse, someone had not put the cap tightly on the soy milk, yes I said soy milk, I'm lactose intolerant & that is another story for how I found out!  Back to the story, I decided this time it was going to be on someone else's hands when the milk spilled all over the place.  Just as I was about to close the fridge door there was a still small voice that said to me, "tighten the milk and put it away correctly". My response, "Lord, I hear you but I can't keep enabling people so I'm willing to accept the risk.". Happily I walked off (key word happily).

That is until I had forgotten about the booby-trap I had left and my wife asked me to get something out of the fridge for her a few hours later.

I'm sure you can imagine my horror when the milk came splashing down all over the floor - aaaauuuuggghhhh!  Then that still small voice replayed in my head. I wanted so bad to blame someone else because it truly was their fault that this was the situation.  I too like Jonah had a hand in creating the problem because of my "justified disobedience".

Soo many times it's the small things that get us tripped up but, he that is faithful with little is faithful with much (Luke 16:10).  I realize this verses original application was for something else but I see that it applies here as well, here is my revision - He that is obedient with the small things will be obedient with the big things.

Are you ignoring the still small voice? 

Blessings,
-d

Am I living to my potential?

Recently, I was listening to a song my brother wrote called "Mechanical Lifestyle" and in the song he describes people simply going through the motions trying to achieve certain material statuses. This got me to thinking if I myself had gotten caught up into this mechanical lifestyle and was I living up to my full potential.

Sad to say after the deliberation was complete, I walked away acknowledging that I too was living a mechanical lifestyle. Actually (if I were to be honest) I already knew the answer but wanted to try and give myself a chance.

How do you not fall into this lifestyle track that is placed before you - go to school, get a job, start/raise a family, pay bills/taxes and work till you die! Not necessarily in that order and there are many more combinations available, but you get the idea. For what ever reason I have been approached by several people stating that they are not fulfilled/satisfied where they are in life. On top of this, I was made aware of the Pareto Principle recently, I should say I discovered the name of the principle which in GROSS simplification is an 80/20 rule which says 20% of things in our life should (or do) occupy 80% of our efforts. Again, this is a gross simplification as it was an Italian economist (Vilfredo Pareto) who started this train of thought when he discovered that 80% of Italy's wealth was owned by 20% the population.

Now that the gerbil has jumped onto the wheel I am now faced with a decision to follow this train and see where it goes or simply get off the ride because I am happy the way things are. Just for the record, there is nothing wrong with being content with where things are as long as you do not carry a spirit of regret!

What you may ask am I prepared to do? I am glad you asked, you see I am the type to first go and read a few books/articles and then formulate a plan of attack. You will be pleased to know that I have already ordered the books -
1) Summary of the 80/20 principle by Richard Koch (yeah it's basically a cliff note version)
2) Start: punch fear in the face...by John Acuff (this should be interesting as I have already written a blog entry on fear)

I do have an idea of where I am headed and know what I need/want to do. It is nice to see different perspectives but at the end of the day, it is up to me to take the big leap of faith and START!

Are you living up to your potential? Have you already gone through the metamorphosis and feel you are living to your potential? If so, please post a comment and share how you did it.

Blessings,
-d