Let's Kick It!

In preparation for a marriage weekend getaway, my wife and I found ourselves in a bit if a tense environment, created by us of course.

We attended a couples retreat at Pismo beach with a group we only had some familiarity with.  Clearly there were some reservations as this was our first time out with this group and our 'built in' security blanket (our brother and sister) was not attending.

Once we got there and found a nice resort, room with an ocean view, much of the concern faded away. It helped that both of us were tired from the mental and physical toll of the trip & argument we had that we simply smiled said I love you and settled in for the weekend.

The weekend was full of tips and tools for how to make our marriage stronger, better and more fulfilling inspite of the trials we face along the way.  The following are a few tips the seminar shared:

• Establish a better individual relationship with God
• This in turn will better your spousal relationship
• Know yourself (i.e. what your triggers are)
• Keep communication lines open by creating a safe place
• Keep the right spirit (don't major in minors)
• Remember to Kick it (have fun)

As you grow in your relationship remember these and other principals you learn along your journey.  Just make sure you apply them because if you don't all the learning in the world will not help if there is no application.

When was the last time that you kicked it with your spouse?  Now is just a good a time as any!

Blessings,

-d

Gen 2:23-24 

And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Vices to Victory

While this week was not a particularly bad week, it was a reflective week for me and when a work colleague told me about this young man - Matt Schuler (he heard him sing on "the voice") and I came across this song, I thought this song described some of my reflective thoughts…

I hope this song inspires you as well,

Blessings,
-d

You Don't Matter!

Earlier this week as I rode BART I could not help but notice the interactions between a husband and wife.  Her eyes would look over at him every 3 minutes or so with longing eyes for him to simply reach out, hold her hand or look at her.

But as we men often do, he would not respond/affirm her presence in any way. Instead he simply chose to sit with his hands crossed acting as if she did not exist.

Were they in an argument - maybe. I do my best to not assume I know what is going on in some one else's house. I have a hard enough time keeping up with what's going on in mine.  None the less, it was clear that she sought a form of interaction and he did not (or did he?).

Maybe he was using silence as a weapon as couples often do to each other.  I have come to learn, that weapon only makes things worse if it continues for too long.  This (in my opinion) helps to feed the 'you don't matter' syndrome.  When most times nothing could be further from the truth.

When I have used this weapon it was because I was hurt, wanted attention and also wanted to hurt my wife as well.  HOW SILLY IS THAT!  Her I tell her I love her and on the other hand communicate that she does not matter. No wonder we have soo many therapists (this combined with how our parents screw us up)! Just for the record, I am not against therapy and have frequented the chase/couch/chair on multiple occasions.

The point is, if we were more loving/kind, communicated in a loving way, was open to constructive feedback and was true to our feelings - I would like to think that we would need fewer therapists (and lawyers).  Clearly there are times when we need to have what I call the, "difficult but necessary conversations".  Even during these conversations, we should not be communicating to our spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend that they do not matter. I hope that couple was able to work out whatever it was between them in a loving manner.  For love truly is a gift and we should unwrap it with caution and cherish it as if it were the best gift ever.

When you are upset, what do you communicate - love, concern or emptiness…  


Proverbs 3:3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. (NIV)

Blessings,
-d

What are Seeds of Life?

Tonight was a great night!  My sons and I (the dog too) took a walk so we could shoot the breeze and catch up on the latest events.  My youngest son (the energetic one) started off excited by his Q1 report card (As & Bs - THANK YOU LORD!) did not waste any time asking when he might be getting a cell phone.  Hmmm, who promised that?

My oldest son (confidently awaiting his report card) began as he usually does, with the latest on the opposite gender front - girls, girls, girls.  He did slide some other interesting things in during our conversation, he is good at this.

One was an analogy between a human life and that of an oak tree.  As I listened to him detail some of the similarities and stages of maturity, I figured - let's research/write about that.  In my search, I ran across the following overview for the life cycle of the oak tree which I found here.

"As is the case with all trees, the mighty oak begins as a tiny seed. In order for the tree to grow and the life cycle to complete itself, the oak requires sufficient space, water to carry root-borne nutrients from suitably fertile soil and adequate sunlight to trigger the life-sustaining process of photosynthesis. Insect infestation, disease, scavenging animals and adverse weather conditions can prematurely end the life cycle at any stage..." 

As I reflected on what he said, I too was struck at some of the similarities with humans for needing nutrients, water, space, sunlight, care etc…  If we have these ingredients, we too thrive.  If not, we too can have our lives prematurely ended (not only in the physical sense).  You see, we get out what we put in.  Whether it is to our children, spouse, family, friends and dare I say ourselves.  

While I am often amazed at some of the things that come out of my boys mouth's, I am grateful that their foundation to date appears to be solid.  I guess my wife and I are doing an ok job at raising them and providing them with space, water & sunlight.  At times the space aspect is more of a challenge when raising a tweener and teenager.

How are you nurturing your seeds of life?  Choices are powerful, choose right - choose LIFE!


Matt 13:37-39 - 37 He answered and said to them: “He who sows the good seed is the Son of Man. 38 The field is the world, the good seeds are the sons of the kingdom, but the tares are the sons of the wicked one. 39 The enemy who sowed them is the devil, the harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are the angels. <NKJV>

Blessings,
-d