Domestic Violence Hurts

With the Ray Rice situation, most every where you turn you hear the talking heads using this event as an opportunity to tee off on Ray Rice and those “Monsters” like him!  I find it strangely curious that all the monsters they are finding look like me.

I IN NO WAY CONDONE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!  You see I spent the better half of my youth growing up in this type of household!  It would often begin with an argument over something small which quickly lead to sounds of knuckles crunching on flesh and all hell breaking loose.  I would quickly find my little brother and run to a safe place until, one year I could not take it any more!

I had received a BB gun for Christmas that had an pump air chamber.  I cocked that BB gun well past the maximum of 10 pumps the instruction manual said was the limit.  I ran in front of my mother and pointed the gun at my father and told him to stop or I would shoot!  I meant every word of it, he and my mother saw it in my face.  My mother said, “…that was her cue that she had to leave …” & shortly there after we did just that.  

Anyone having gone through this knows that this is a win/loose scenario. Statistics show how a household without a father (generally) does not fare well at all, from a foundation and financial standpoint.  So what are women (and some men) to do in these situations?  The media will sensationalize this to say everyone should leave the monsters, rip families apart and create new carnage and never look back…hmmm?  While I agree with the leaving part as no one deserves this, but it is the never looking back part I am not so sure about.

When children grow up in fatherless homes the cycle of (some sort of) abuse so often continues and becomes magnified in the lives of those individuals as they age.  Each one of us has some sort of “crazy” that ultimately finds a way to manifest itself.  So again, what are individuals on both sides of the coin to do?

I wish the media would take more opportunity to show and display programs that will give the abuser and abused a chance to learn new tools and unlearn bad behaviors and the reasons behind these painful behaviors.  Again, I do believe that the abused should at a minimum separate themselves from the abuser until they are able to show on a consistent basis that they have unlearned these behaviors and learned healthy techniques to use when triggers are reached.

I do realize this is a VERY COMPLICATED problem/process.  But that does not give us the right to completely vilianize and characterize these individuals as untouchables.  Should there be consequences - YES and trust me there are always consequences to ALL parties even if you and I don’t see them.  What if monies were taken from the salaries of the athletes, celebrities, corporate leaders and individuals involved in domestic violence and placed in funds that would pay for their help and others who can not afford it?  

I realize this would not fix all problems because the root of it all is sin.  It would be something to try and help hurting members of our society, they too are in pain which is often what causes these and other addictive behaviors.

It took me many decades to sort through the process of healing from growing up in a violent and fatherless environment.  God Bless my mother for literally and figuratively FIGHTING for her and our lives.  I think one of the overlooked points is my mother actively sought tools to help her and us.  Because of this and God’s love I am grateful neither I nor my brother get physical with our wives.  Our households are stronger not only because there is no domestic abuse but because we are in our homes.  Trust me, we still have our demons to battle but people are not trying to throw us away as trash that is simply too damaged to change.

People do have the amazing ability to change.  While this is a very serious problem, let’s not simply take the sensationalized route, label these individuals and write them off.  No one knows what the future holds but we can do our best to influence change in our own individual circles.  

Blessings,

-d

Romans 5:3 - 8 (NIV): 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings,because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.