Relationships... Who needs them (Part 1)

Relationships...I'm not sure there is a more complicated interaction on the planet.  For all of the highly technical folks, with Chemistry as my backdrop, I realize there are very complex/intricate reactions, connections, etc...  

Where I see the difference is, take all of those complex reactions and add an emotional element to it.  Can you say EXPLOSION, MELTDOWN and IMPLOSION all at the same time!  Amazing songs have been written, cars have been keyed, clothes and houses burned, suicides, murder and forget street fights, wars have been fought over what someone thought was a wronged, failed or failing relationship.

Armed with the World Wide Web (I know no one uses that name anymore) you would think that people would put more time into getting to know one another before they settled in for a long term commitment.  Because it seems with every failed relationship we get a little more jaded but still there is that draw that the vast majority of us can not control - the draw to be loved.

So many of us are armed with the messed up tools our parents handed down to us because of what their parents handed down and so on and so forth.  While it is soo hard to break a generational cycle, it is possible.  Take my wife and I who were married ~8 months into our relationship.  What the heck did we know other than how to get into trouble?

Here are the marriage examples we had, my father and I had a strained relationship growing up as he was trying to be "the man".  Once I had children I came to understand that my father was trying to catch up since his father died when he was about 12 and he had no one to lead him.  My mother was raised in a very abusive household and as a result married multiple times looking for someone to simply love her as her father should have to add insult to injury I believe she married once as a means of providing for my brother and I as she worked two jobs and went to school.

On my wife's side, she never had the opportunity to meet her father as he ran out when her mother was pregnant.  As a result, her mother handicapped her by trying to cover up this 'sin' and over-enabled my wife to a fault.

Armed with these tools, we went to war.  Little did we know, it was each other we would war with!  I thought she was crazy and she knew I was crazy, what we both came to find out was that we both had crazy and bludgeoned each other with that crazy.  So why did we hang in there you might ask, simple - for our kids!  If that is the only strand you have, then hold on to it and build off of that.  Get help (I have said this in numerous posts), fight and build on the strand that binds you.  If the abuse is physical and/or extreme emotional abuse, all the rules change and safety is a priority - still seek help, just maybe a different type.

What are the relationship tools that you are working with?

Blessings,

-d

P.s. Stay tuned for Part 2...